First Messy Draft
First Messy Draft is a reflective podcast about identity, growth, and the quiet shifts that happen as we move through adulthood.
Hosted by Erica Person, each episode explores the moments when we begin to outgrow old expectations, titles, and versions of ourselves. Through thoughtful reflection and real-life observations, this space invites listeners to slow down, look inward, and consider what it means to keep becoming.
This podcast is for women who are evolving quietly.
Not in crisis. Not falling apart. Just… changing.
If you’ve been feeling more reflective lately, outgrowing old versions of yourself or searching for language for what you're experiencing—you may find yourself at home here.
Because the truth is, most of us are still writing our first messy drafts.
First Messy Draft
Real Recognize Real
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Most people think "real recognize real" is about spotting fake people.
I did too. But after spending time journaling and reflecting on authenticity, I realized this conversation had very little to do with anyone else. It had everything to do with me.
In this episode, I explore what authenticity actually feels like, why I've spent years trying to make other people comfortable, and the surprising realization that maybe the hardest person I've ever had to recognize is myself.
This isn't a conversation about perfection. It's a conversation about self-recognition, self-trust, and learning to stop apologizing for who you are.
In process, Erica
People love to say real recognizes real. And every time I hear it, I know exactly what they're talking about. Fake people. People who are genuine, authentic people, people who aren't. But after journaling about this for a few days, I realized something. That this episode is not about fake people at all. It's about me. Because the hardest person I've ever had to recognize might actually be myself. Welcome to First Messy Draft. Where becoming is messy, but growth is real. I'm Erica, and this is a space where we slow down and reflect on life while we're still in the middle of becoming. Have you noticed how often we hear the word authenticity these days? Be your true authentic self. Show up authentically, build an authentic brand. Create authentic content. We just throw around this word so carelessly. Authenticity has become one of those words that just gets used so much that I started wondering if we even know what it really means anymore. So in good research fashion, I looked it up. The definition talks about being genuine, real, true to your own personality, spirit, and character. So I thought, okay, that all of that sounds good. But what does that actually feel like? Not what does it look like, but what does it feel like? True authenticity. Because if I'm being honest, authenticity is something that I thought about long before I even started this podcast. One of my biggest concerns was that I did not want to sound fake.
SPEAKER_01Seriously.
SPEAKER_00I didn't want to start a podcast and become a character, someone like I was performing. I wanted my voice to sound like my voice. And my experiences to be my experiences. Because I have forty-nine years of life, okay? That comes with forty-nine years of lessons, mistakes, conversations, disappointments, victories, and definitely forty-nine years of growth. So I don't need to make anything up. I have enough truth on the inside of me to talk about many, many things. So while journaling, I asked myself this question: what was I afraid would happen if I lost my authenticity?
SPEAKER_01And I wrote down, I would become a shell of a person.
SPEAKER_00Hollow, just merely existing, being who I thought people wanted me to be. And then my last line I wrote, if I lost my authenticity, I myself would probably never meet the real me. Because maybe authenticity isn't about how other people see us. Maybe it's about whether we're connected to our true selves. So when I started thinking about that, I realized that there have been plenty of moments in my life when I wasn't fully showing up as myself. I mean, not that I was trying to fool anyone or pull the wool over anyone's eyes, but because I was trying to make other people feel comfortable.
SPEAKER_01I have even softened my voice, I've changed my tone, my pitch, held things in, allowed assumptions to be made about me, and frankly, I've never corrected them.
SPEAKER_00I have protected a many people's feelings while ignoring my own. And the crazy thing about it sometimes I don't think I was doing it consciously. I just thought that that's what you should do.
SPEAKER_01Keep the peace. Don't rock the boat. Because I'm not one to like people or want people to feel uncomfortable. God knows I don't like to feel uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_00So I consider people's feelings. But somewhere along the way, I started noticing that every time I made myself smaller, maybe I was moving further away from my true self. And you know what's funny? I mean, I hypothetically I'm saying this is funny, but it's really not. For years I said I wasn't sure who I was. But when I started journaling, I realized that I know more than I thought. It's kind of crazy because I've always said that, oh gosh, I'm I don't know who I am. I'm still learning. But the journaling has definitely helped me in my quest for self-discovery. I wrote down that I know that I'm quiet, I'm sensitive, I love my solitude, I know that environment matters to me. I know meaningful conversations matter to me. I know that I notice things. I observe people, patterns, I need space to think. That's a big one. So I was like, oh, okay, maybe I know myself more than I realized. Maybe I'm just learning to trust what I know about myself. Because I know people make assumptions about me all the time. I used to always get this that people thought that I was stuck up. Because my face, I'm not gonna say it, you know, resting be face, you know. I think I normally have that. 24-7, 365. I don't try to. Like I could be looking straight at someone, and my mind could be a thousand other places. It may not even be on the person that I am visually looking at at the time. But people have assumed that I was stuck up, unfriendly. But assumptions do not define me. And neither do the roles that I have carried. Maybe that's what this season is also teaching me that authenticity is not becoming someone new.
SPEAKER_01It's actually that I'm recognizing who I've been all alone.
SPEAKER_00Maybe real recognizes real because when you finally start recognizing yourself, you stop needing everyone else to tell you who you are.
SPEAKER_01You stop performing, stop proving.
SPEAKER_00You become more aligned with the truth. I think that's what this podcast has become for me. I'm not here to give you all the answers. But it's a place where I'm meeting myself in real time, and you just so happen to listen and go along for the ride with me. One messy draft at a time. Maybe that's enough. No, maybe that's more than enough. So if you've ever felt like you've spent more time becoming who other people needed you to be than getting to know yourself, you're not alone. And it's not too late. Maybe the work isn't finding yourself. Maybe it's recognizing who you are. So I thank you for spending time with me today. Until next time, keep becoming. Even when it's messy.