First Messy Draft
First Messy Draft is a reflective podcast about identity, growth, and the quiet shifts that happen as we move through adulthood.
Hosted by Erica Person, each episode explores the moments when we begin to outgrow old expectations, titles, and versions of ourselves. Through thoughtful reflection and real-life observations, this space invites listeners to slow down, look inward, and consider what it means to keep becoming.
This podcast is for women who are evolving quietly.
Not in crisis. Not falling apart. Just… changing.
If you’ve been feeling more reflective lately, outgrowing old versions of yourself or searching for language for what you're experiencing—you may find yourself at home here.
Because the truth is, most of us are still writing our first messy drafts.
First Messy Draft
When The Lights Go Out
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Who are you when you remove the titles?
In this episode of First Messy Draft, I sit with a question that’s been lingering,
who am I without the roles I play or the things I’m responsible for?
Not the job title.
Not what’s expected of me.
But who I am underneath all of that.
This isn’t about having a clear answer.
It’s about noticing what’s left when it gets quiet.
In process, Erica
Who am I without the titles? Not my job title, not the role that I play for other people, but the person I am underneath all of that. This is first messy draft where becoming is messy and growth is real. This is a space where we slow down and reflect on life while we're still in the middle of our becoming. This is something that I don't think that we as women talk about enough of. How much of who we are is tied to what we do. I mean I'm not saying this in a bad way. Just over time, how we become the reliable strong one, and after a while that doesn't just become what we do, it starts to feel like who we are. There's a poem that I remember from Paul Lawrence Dunbar. We wear the mask that grins and lies. It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes. I've been thinking about that in a different way lately. Because in some ways our titles can feel like that, you know, they show the world the role we played. And boy, oh boy, do we play it. I mean we show up polished like we've got it going on, you know, 24-7. And if I'm honest, we play we do, we play it well, but they don't always reveal the full person underneath. I had to sit with that because if you take away all those roles, who and what is left? Seriously, think about that. Not the nurse, not the mom, the sister, the daughter, the wife. Just you. I realize that I don't spend a lot of time here in this mental space thinking about this. Not because I don't want to. I've just gotten so used to being needed that being still feels unfamiliar. And I don't know if anyone else feels like that too, but I do. Like it feels weird to not be doing something physically or mentally. So sitting with that question, like, who am I without the titles? I literally have tried to answer this question. And I don't know. Because I even started, I caught myself starting to make a list of things. I was like, okay, I'm calm. I'm pretty centered. I observe a lot of patterns, I analyze things, and even as I was saying it, it felt a little like, is this right? This just feels so incomplete. Feels so generic. Because yeah, these are parts of me, yes. But it to me it still didn't fully answer or capture the true essence of who I am. And maybe that's the part we don't say out loud that being needed can feel like identity. So when there's not anything required of you even for a moment, it feels like now what? You're scanning the room. You're like surely there's something here for me to do. So who am I when there's nothing to prove or nothing to fix? I promise you, I don't have a clean answer for this question yet. And I'm not sitting here like this is who I am at my core because I am still learning. But I do know this. I want to know her. I want to know all the parts of me from top to bottom. Not just the version that you see or that shows up when I'm needed, but the version of me that exists even when it's quiet and still.
SPEAKER_01So I'm learning who I am when there is no role for me to play. I can show up, I can handle things and still be me.
SPEAKER_00And still know who I am. So I don't think I have an answer for that yet today. I'm still figuring it out who I am. When the lights go out, I am still meeting her. So I'm still in the middle of my becoming. Until next time. Becoming is messy. Growth is real.